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An eight year old, trying to escape a terrible war, finds himself displaced from his family in a strange home, in a strange land with a strange language. Another child is removed from a home where parents, because of mental retardation, cannot adequately care for the child. Still another is taken from a home because the abuse is intolerable. These and many other circumstances have brought children, mostly teenagers, into our home. We first became foster parents in 1986. Being foster parents was just another way to expand our experience working with children (primarily teenagers). Prior to becoming foster parents we were, for two years, youth directors to a large Church in Minneapolis Minnesota. Our responsibilities were to those kids in "Junior High" grades 7 through 9. We were able, in that time, to increase the active membership in our programs from 7 to 35. We found an abundance of kids, from a variety of home backgrounds, with a need to be listened to and who seek, and will accept adult guidance. We also found that we were a pretty capable couple in providing that leadership and guidance.
Suffice it to say - being foster parents is NOT what we would recommend for every family. If you are struggling with your own relationships, being a foster parent is not going to make it improve. If you feel inadequate dealing with your own children, practicing on foster children will not help. And - if you think it's your duty as a good citizen - forget it. Don't even think of making money at it. The "out go" usually exceeds the "in come" We need a lot more foster parents, but we need those that can do kids some good, that have good relationships themselves and have a lot of tolerance for others. There are a lot of you out there. I encourage you to participate - it's very rewarding. There are many types of foster parents. We have a great deal of admiration for the parent who can house and affect the lives of handicapped children whether physical or mental. We are in awe of the parent that can deal with sever behavior problems. We don’t do that. The kids we take into our family are usually victims. Although they come from backgrounds that often have created emotional or behavior problems, these are kids that we think we can offer stability and thus some hope for becoming kind, caring and productive adults. Many of the kids who have stayed in our home have graduated from high school while here and gone off to college - but they still consider our home theirs. We encourage that as well. Some were questionable candidates for completing high school but found their way to college. Most are self sufficient, self confident and lead productive lives. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and weekends are always an unknown as to how many bodies we might have staying in our home. But - we always have enough. (beds, sleeping bags, floor space, food). There's always Grandma and Grandpas place and friends to help as well.
Other than that, we tell them that all families have differences and we understand that it will take some time for them to come to know how we live and what we expect. The way we live works for us. It is one of respect for others but, other than that, it is rather flexible and tolerant. We don't require that they like us or our children but they must respect us. If at any time they feel they cannot or will not live in this environment then they may leave. There are no bars at our house. But - if they leave or break our rules, we will report it. Most everything else is kept in the family. |
Copyright © 2004
Douglas E. Hall
Because we are sensitive to the privacy of the kids that we have had in our home, those who we have brought through their teens, those who have graduated from our high school, and sometimes college and of whom we consider OUR children, we will not discuss specifics here. And so - although we could tell many interesting stories, we leave it up to our children to tell their own stories.